Having a baby is one of the most exciting times in a couple’s life, but for couples coping with infertility and infertility treatments, conceiving a baby can be trying. The physical, emotional and financial stress of infertility can, if you’re not careful, hurt your relationship with your partner.
In fact, nearly one-fourth of women in a recent survey conducted by the nonprofit organization Healthy Women reported that infertility had a negative impact on their relationships, especially for new couples. The good news is that about a third of women in that same survey said their infertility struggle actually benefited their relationships with their partners. There are times that one of you will think that dating the new one might be an option.
In religious texts, mythological works, and even ancient laws, everyone agreed on one thing, infertility was the fault of the woman. It happened because she said or did something wrong. Occasionally the man might be implicated, too. After all, good people are always able to have children!
We now know that this is untrue, but the social stigma of infertility persists. Most couples who struggle with infertility don’t openly talk about it. This means people facing infertility for the first time feel much more alone than they actually are. They may mistakenly believe they’re the only couple among their friends facing this issue. Single people trying to get pregnant might think they’re the only ones walking this lonely road.
You are not alone, and it’s not your fault. This isn’t because of something you did or didn’t do. Don’t feel ashamed of waiting “too long” or of not leading a perfect lifestyle, either. Everyone makes mistakes, and people are waiting longer now than ever before to have children. Most are still able to have kids. You didn’t cause this. That means you can’t will it away, either.
Blaming yourself for your infertility doesn’t just feel bad. It can also undermine your ability to get help. Fertility has a clock attached to it. Once a woman’s eggs are gone, they’re gone forever. Men, too, see age-related declines in fertility. This means that now is always the best time to have a baby — no matter when now is.
Waiting until next month, next year, or next decade means waiting until there’s an even lower chance of a successful pregnancy. So when your sense of guilt and self-blame interfere with your ability to seek help, they can also undermine — sometimes permanently — your ability to become a parent.
Don’t punish yourself. Get help now. If you’re under 35 and have tried more than a year, it’s time for a referral. Couples over the age of 35 who have tried six months without success should seek help.
Trust and faith with each other will help both of you. It is challenging for new couples that you may encounter problems and obstacles but it will help on how to conquer future problems and conflicts.